I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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