Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
