The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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