im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
