a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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