The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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