Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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