he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
