Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
