fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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