Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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