Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
