Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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