Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
