Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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