Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
