She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
