Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
