i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
