well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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