you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
