You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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