i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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