She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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