Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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