White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
