Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
