she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
