i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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