mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
