Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
