I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
