Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
