It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
