thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
