I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
