i'm signing you up for texting rehab
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
