I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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