its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
