I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's blow job season.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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