mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
