just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.