We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.