i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST