dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".