Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
