the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
