have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die