I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.