watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
His hands were made for my vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after