Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?