Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
