No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
