Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
