we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
