i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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