my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
are you so shy because you have an std?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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