umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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