I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
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