Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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