Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
