Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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