Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
