guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
