He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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