i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
