he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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