there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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