if only i could text you this smell
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
