Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
