new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
