I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
