I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
