One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
