based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
