So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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