living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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