At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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