beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
