i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
