You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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