AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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