you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
