Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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