bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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