imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
