There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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