You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
