VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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