just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
