i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
