I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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