I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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