just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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