you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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