come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
