glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
