Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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